


Can't Stop Desire

by ExtremeEly23



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:54:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24653425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExtremeEly23/pseuds/ExtremeEly23
Summary: Catra and Adora deal with their feelings about desire, and try to figure things out for themselves (because the Horde certainly didn't teach them shit).
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

Adora gripped the holopad tighter, teeth clenched, fingers working faster between her own legs. She didn’t have much time, and she needed to get this over with. Eyes reopening from how tightly clenched they’d been, she focused harder on the image on the screen.

“Fuck...Catra, Fuck fuck fuck, don’t stop, Catra”

Adora was awful. She was being weird and perverted, and Catra would surely be horrified if she ever knew about this. 

‘She won’t.’ Adora thought, ‘She can’t.’

Adora had been warned about this; not to do it, not to think about it, not to want it, not to try it...she had tried so hard to follow those rules; so achingly, desperately hard...but Adora wasn’t nearly as perfect as everyone wanted to believe. She’d been breaking this rule since 13, long before the horrifying lesson on the Evils of Self Pleasuring that Shadow Weaver had terrified the cadets with. Adora remembered sinking low in her chair, feeling watched. They must’ve known; they’d seen her, this lesson was targeted at her. She never owned up to it though; she should have, maybe then she would’ve learned how to control herself. Catra, meanwhile, had asked if it counted when you wiped after going to the bathroom. The whole class had laughed, and Shadow Weaver’s anger seemed to raise the room a few degrees...or maybe that was just Adora’s shame.

No matter how hard she tried, Adora’s conscience and guilt never seemed to quite overpower whatever horrific animal urge lurked deep in her brain, making her do this again and again and again. And Catra, poor Catra, had always been its target. Every time, no matter how hard she tried to think of something, anything else; to distract herself, it had always looped back to Catra.

Adora had always loved Catra; loved how funny she was, how smart she was, how protective and possessive she was. Those weren’t the kind of thoughts she had about Catra while doing this though. Now all she could think about was the way Catra’s ass looked in her bodysuit, the way her mouth looked when she opened it wide to yawn, spiked tongue lolling out, and the most powerful memory of all, the fleeting sidelong glance she had stolen of Catra’s naked body in the communal showers. Over and over it played in slow motion, a years-old moment so ingrained on her mind that every detail of it was finely tuned. The water dripping down her collarbone, the curve of her small breasts, her dusky nipples. Adora felt like she could almost see them beneath the white material covering them on the screen. She groaned, feeling her legs begin to tense; she was almost done.

Adora hadn’t heard the door open.

“Adora…?” Catra sounded almost worried. She had only heard the pained groan from her...girlfriend (which still felt so strange to say).

Adora almost hit the ceiling, yelping loudly in surprise, yanking the blankets entirely over her, trying to hide, holopad clattering off the bed and onto the ground.

Time seemed to freeze. Catra took a couple tentative steps closer to the bed.

“Adora...are you-” Catra cut off, eyes suddenly catching on the holopad.

It was boobs. Her boobs. Her boobs underneath her swimsuit top, zoomed in so far that they took up the entire screen. She knew the source photo immediately, it was from a group photo of the Best Friends Squad, the last time they all went to the beach.

Adora was quivering beneath the covers, tears welling in the corner of her eyes as she watched the shell-shocked Catra slowly pick the holopad up.

“You...um. You dropped this.” Catra squeaked, holding the holopad out to Adora, eyes averted.

Adora spoke before she could think.

“That’s not mine.” She blurted, feeling a metaphysical palm slap her in the forehead.

‘Nice going, moron.’ she thought, but didn’t open her mouth again.

Catra didn’t know what to say; her mouth opening and closing uselessly.

“O…kay” was all she could finally muster, setting the holopad on the bedside table.

“I’m just gonna...go to the bathroom” Catra said, excusing herself and turning on her heel towards the door, despite the fact there was a perfectly good bathroom attached to their bedroom.

Adora was thankful that at least Catra had the decency to give her a moment to get herself together before she inevitably returned to break up with her, and tell her what a fucked up pervert she was, so, there was that. 

As soon as the door shut, Adora leapt out of bed, rapidly closing everything on the holopad before throwing it haphazardly across the room, like that would somehow erase what she had been doing. Why was she taking this out on the holopad? It was her own fault.

She began pacing the room, pantsless, trying to think of something, anything she could say to Catra to fix this. It was an accident? It was a mistake? I think I have a condition that makes me do this sometimes despite how awful it is and I don’t know how to stop? Each excuse was worse than the last. Yanking on a pair of shorts, Adora finally resolved to just beg on her hands and knees and forgiveness. If she’d lost the love of her life because of this, she had no-one to blame but herself, but maybe Catra would give her a second chance. Adora would cut both hands off if need be to stay with Catra, or sleep in a separate room, or a separate castle; whatever Catra wanted to feel comfortable.

Slamming one of the two bedroom doors open, Adora yelled down the corridor after her girlfriend;

“Catra, I’m-” but Catra was right there.

Sitting against the other door, furry cat-ear firmly pressed to the wood, hand buried in the pants of her leggings. Catra’s eyes had never been wider. Adora saw her jaw clench.

Silence.

“Um…..Hey, Adora.”


	2. Chapter 2

They both sat on the bed in silence. Hours had passed. Actually, maybe it had only been minutes. Adora feared if she spoke a single word, whatever spell they were both under would shatter, and Catra would break up with her, so she sat, motionless and silent next to Catra, staring straight ahead into nothing.

It was Catra who finally spoke.

“Sorry I came in without knocking.”

What?! That was all Catra had to say right now?? Adora made a small noise in her throat, an attempt at speaking that dissolved before it could ever be spoken.

“Are you upset?” Catra asked gently, leaning forward to find Adora’s eyes.

Adora swallowed thickly, suddenly aware of the tears that had been rolling down her cheeks for god-knows how long.

“N-no” she murmured, barely a whisper, still not glancing anywhere except straight ahead. Her eyes had done far too much wandering for one day.

Catra was silent once more; Adora could see in her periphery her eyes screwed tightly shut, her claws digging into the bedspread.

Catra took a deep breath. The least she could do was apologise.

“I’m sorry I was jerking off to you earlier. It’s disgusting and fucked up and I’m sorry.”

Adora was shocked. Those words had come from Catra’s mouth, not her own. Catra had been jerking off to her??. As if suddenly put back into motion by those words, the cogs finally started turning in Adora’s brain, finally recalling that Catra’s hand had been down her own pants when she had opened the door. Of course she hadn’t had much of a chance to think; Catra had immediately jumped up and skittered away. Adora had sat, silently, in their room ever since, contemplating the imminent argument, the breakup, how Catra would tell everyone she was a sick pervert, which stung even if it was true, refusing to answer even when Bow and Glimmer knocked, asking why she wasn’t at dinner.

Then, to her shock, Catra had reappeared at dark, walked in, and sat down next to her.

“I’m the one who’s sorry” Adora finally said. 

“I know you know what I was doing, with that picture of you on the holopad...I’m not...a good person. I’m not a good person or a good girlfriend, and I haven’t ever been one.” The tears were flowing freely now, but Adora wouldn’t let that stop her from pouring her heart out, one last time to the girl she loved.

“I’ve been doing that to- to you for-” she sobbed “for years, I did it when we were teenagers, I even did it when you were asleep next to me” Adora almost retched with the guilt that seemed to be pouring out of her from some deep, buried place.

“I’ve always known it was wrong and it was gross and weird but I could never stop myself, and it made me do bad things Catra I-” Another sob rocked her body “I- I looked at you in the shower sometimes and sometimes when I looked at you I was thinking those- those gross thoughts and not normal thoughts and I- I just- I can’t- I-” Adora finally lost her fight with her tears, lurching towards Catra to cling desperately to her shirt, tears and snot rolling down her cheeks.

She couldn’t bear to look up at Catra, couldn’t bear to see whatever she thought of Adora’s confession. She hardly felt as Catra’s hand rested upon her back, stroking slow circles there.

“It’s okay, Adora, I love you, It’s okay baby…”

Hearing ‘baby’, Adora finally started to calm down...Catra wouldn’t call her that, reserved for their most tender moments together, if she was about to break up with her...would she..?

“Take a deep breath Adora, please breathe, okay?” Adora tried to follow the instruction, taking a deep, shaky inhale, and finally exhaling, letting a final sob out as she wiped her nose hurriedly on her sleeve.

“Adora I um...I knew about all that. I used to pretend to sleep and watch you do it. When you were in bed next to me I could- I could um...I could smell you. I didn't want you to stop, I...I don't really know why...I liked it. I'm sorry."

Adora looked up at Catra, shocked to see how scared she was, and to see something else flickering in her eyes, an obvious ache; they loved each other, of that much Adora was certain, but this was...something else. An electricity seemed to hum between them. It made Adora's skin itch.

Catra knew. Catra had always known. She hadn't ratted her out, or run away, or acted disgusted. She had felt, even if just a little bit, maybe...the same thing? The monstrous desires and needs Adora had battled with for years...she wasn't the only one. Maybe Catra had had those thoughts too. Her Catra, her girlfriend, her favorite person in the universe...but how could anything her Catra felt ever be gross?

"Do you touch yourself too?" Adora whispered.

Catra's body tensed and her hand jerked up from Adora's back, where it had been petting idly.

"Are you serious?" Catra asked, shocked.

"Yes." Adora responded bluntly. She didn't know where this confidence to propel into this conversation was coming from but she couldn't stop it now. It was happening.

"I mean, you literally saw me, outside your door, trying to jerk off to you jerking off like some kinda fucking creep…" Catra responded, a shameful blush rising up her cheeks and neck.

Another cog turned in Adora's head. Oh yeah. She'd forgotten about that. Again.

"Do you...usually think about me when you do?" Adora couldn't believe her own boldness.

Catra scoffed. 

"You're the only thing I've ever thought about, honestly"

"What do you...think about?" Adora knew she should stop, should leave this conversation alone, but Catra's response had stirred a thrumming...curiosity in her belly. 

"I said you, stupid! I-"

"No, not like that, like, what stuff about me?" Adora's throat felt dry, her palms sweaty, why did she so desperately want to hear Catra's answer?

"Oh. Um. Your butt. Your boobs. Your like, um...junk." Catra swallowed the last word, feeling the full force of embarrassment of the topic at hand. She couldn't believe the shameless honesty Adora could procure from her with such ease.

"My junk…?"

"Y'know like, between your legs.*

"You think about that?" Catra read the surprise as horor and buried her head in her crossed arms, desperate to hide, to shrink away and disappear forever.

"Its an accident, I don't even mean to do it...It just pops into my head while I'm…" Liar. Catra knew she was lying through her teeth to try and save face right now; what face was there left to save? Adora knew her filthiest secrets and this was the end.

Adora stares at her, transfixed, blushing from her freckled shoulders peeking out beneath her tank top to her big stupid forehead. She doesn't look disgusted at least. Adora bites her lip and swallows thickly.

"Yeah? Um...g-go on"

Now it's Catra's turn to be surprised. Is Adora not horrified? She doesn't look horrified, she looks...flustered. Maybe in a good way? Is this because of what Catra said? That thought, that maybe Catra's words were getting to Adora in a good way, spurred her on.

"While I'm...masturbating. What yours looks like and feels like and maybe um...t- tastes…like…?"

"Oh."

Panic. Catra had misread the room. Fuck. She was an idiot. A fucked up perverted moron and she should have just kept her mouth shut.

"I shouldn't have said that, that was a joke, I've never actually done that, haha!! Just a joke. Bad joke, silly me! Haha!!!" Catra's panic was obvious, her tail fritzed out, her ears pinned to her head. 

"Catra! It's okay! That's not….you're not weird." Adora's heart twinged to see Catra like this. Maybe it was weird, but she didn't think so. She loved Catra, and nothing Catra ever did would be weird or gross, could ever be. 

Catra's tail still whipped anxiously against the bedspread but her ears were no longer pinned to her skull. Adora pressed on.

"I think about that too...about you. And your, um…"

Catra didn't speak, eyebrows knitted in worried expectation.

"...crotch?"

Catra let out a small scoff at that. Adora always had a way with words. 'Crotch'.

"I think mine probably looks way different from yours, Princess. You're like a blonde First One and I'm, y'know, me. Furry Magicat." Catra felt like all the pressure in the room had dissipated. It was just her and Adora. Her best friend, her girlfriend, too.

"I don't think that's a bad thing!" Adora smiled warmly. "I think your fur is kinda hot!"

"Well, no duh, especially in Summer" Catra deadpanned, and there it was, Adora's head thrown back in that amazing cackle. Catra loved to make her laugh.

"Dude, do you remember that horrific lesson from Shadow Weaver about this stuff?" Adora asked, back to her usual self.

"Oh god yeah." Catra laughed, before imitating Shadow Weaver's husky drawn-out voice "The Perilsssss of Sssself Pleasureeeee….BLEGHHHHH!!!!" Adora howled with laughter, grabbing her belly as she rolled across the bedspread.

"Catra. Oh my god. You know I love your Shadow Weaver. R-I-P to that old bat but it's sooooo good." Catra made a toothy smile at that. Adora was a right, nothing wrong with a few post mortem laughs.

"If you DARE to touch yourself on the PEEEEEnis or Vah-GIIIIINA….you will contract a disease that will cause it to turn BLACK AS COAL and FALL OFF!!" Catra squawked, holding up her Shadow Weaver impression with a throw blanket as a cloak, and her best hag hand gestures.

"Hasn't happened to me yet!" Adora laughed, no sign of the earlier fear or embarrassment. Catra couldn't resist breaking character to lean forward and press a kiss to her soft mouth.

Adora made a little squeak before kissing her back tenderly, sighing into the contact.

Catra broke the kiss to take a deep breath of her own. 

"That week was horrifying. The lesson on 'intercourse' was even scarier. You'd have to be crazy to do that!"

Adora pursed her lips a moment. Catra hadn't been living outside of the Fright Zone for as long as she had.

"Catra I think people do do it, outside of the Horde at least...I think if you do it in a certain way it's like, okay?"

Catra bristled a little, worrying at her lip.

"Did you...do that with someone?" She asked, trying and failing to sound nonchalant.

"No! Glimmer and Bow told me once that that's the main way babies are made. Like...Queen Angella and King Micah did that and it made Glimmer. Not even magic or anything."

"Woah."

"I know, right? And I think...I think sometimes even when it's two girls they do that too." Adora blushed as she said it, a quiet implication hanging in the air.

"Spinerella and Netossa made a couple jokes once and Bow explained them to me and I think it means they do it too...I don't think it makes babies for them, though. Bow said that 'sometimes people do it as a way to express their love'" Adora continued. Bow had helped her understand things many a time, and was never above explaining the basics of how babies are made, or that little things that look like fish are actually baby frogs, or what clouds are made of (Water!! Somehow??). Things they don't teach you in the Fright Zone, like 'making love' as Bow called it, or kissing, or having a wife.

"Spinerella and Netossa do that?!?!" Catra sat bolt upright.

"Are they okay?? Won't it make their insides fall out and their leg bones break?" Catra sounded seriously concerned for her new friends, even if one of them had sprayed her with water.

"I think…" Adora pondered, "I think a lot of the stuff they told us in the Horde, not just stuff about Princesses, wasn't true. I mean look at us, we've been jerking off since 13 and our like, stuff is still there. It didn't fall off."

Catra laughed. "Thirteen? I've been doing it since I was like 11!"

Adora seemed genuinely surprised.

"How did you figure it out so young?" She asked, sitting up on her elbows to look at Catra quizzically.

"It wasn't on purpose. I used to like napping on that railing, you know the one by the training area?"

Adora nodded.

"Well, I scooted along it one day and it felt good, and so I'd-...god this is embarrassing...I'd go back sometimes and...scoot along it again. It took me seeing you do it with your hand under the covers to realize there was another way."

Adora smiled gently.

"That's actually pretty cute...I just was washing myself in the shower one day and I think I touched my um...y'know the part on top? And my whole body jerked and I was like, 'Oh no! Now I have to do this like once a week forever' and that was it"

Catra snorted, Adora was hilarious. And cute. Truly, honestly adorable. She was also…

Catra didn't know how to describe it. Adora was something that made her fingers tingle, and her stomach drop a little when Adora shot her a glance. Something that made Catra think about earlier...

"Did you finish earlier?" She asked suddenly.

Adora looked mildly taken aback, but seemed unphased.

"N-no...Did you?" She responded carefully.

"No." Catra returned bluntly. She didn't know where she'd been going with this; why her mind had suddenly been thrust back into the gutter.

"Do you, um…?" Adora put the blank question out there, hoping maybe Catra would know what she was asking without her actually having to ask it. This was perhaps the craziest plan she had ever suggested. She loved Catra, Catra loved her, they both did this stuff...and they already did almost everything together...it made sense. Maybe.

Catra stared at her, confused, searching her face for a meaning her words would not give.

Adora took a deep breath.

"...together…?" She continued, swallowing dryly. From the instant heat that rose in Catra's face, and the way her tail began thumping the bedspread rapidly...it seemed she had gotten the message across.

"Here? Like, now?" Catra whispered frantically, eyes searching the room as if they were being watched, or someone would burst into the room at any moment.

Adora's jaw clenched. She nodded once, avoiding Catra's eyes.

"Yeah." Catra responded in a hushed voice, and finally Adora dared to look up and meet her eyes. Catra's pupils were blown wide as saucers, and Adora realized they were both breathing hard, despite not having moved from the bed in over an hour.

"Yeah, I do." Catra added, just a little more confident this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 3 in the works, this will probably be 3 or 4 chapters!


End file.
